Thursday, November 12, 2009

Things Are Out of Whack (Or: Tears on the Metro Pt. II)

Life is out of whack right now. No joke. School's fer real now. I feel like I'm about a week behind in my coursework and studies. It might have something to do with the 8 hours I've spent in the last three days transcribing a Patho lecture (it was my turn). Not to put too fine a point on it, but those 8 hours could have been used for so many other more important things.

I'm not sleeping well, and my sleep pattern is all wonkee. Last week I had a dream everyone in my cohort was pissed at me. Last night I had that prototypical dream where I was nearly naked in my Research class. Why? Because I was hot and needed to cool off, as I told my professor. I'm falling asleep at 7 pm (Monday night I fell asleep while eating dinner for fuck sake), only to wake up around 9pm and do schoolwork until about midnight, just to wake back up at 4 am to start it all over again.

This morning I took the Metro to school because it was raining and I - wait for it - can't find my rain pants. They're nowhere to be found. How, I ask you, can I lose pants??

Anyway, I'm standing on the platform at Gallery Place waiting for the Red Line and I started feeling all anxious and sad, and started thinking about all the things I'm not getting done. And not just school work - stuff beyond that -- things like: I have friends who have recently had babies and I'm not even in contact with them and all these friends and people I have in my life and it is all just slipping by. I'm missing the birthdays and anniversaries of my friends. I haven't talked to my brother in weeks.

So what starts happening? Yep, I start crying just a little bit. It sucks. But hey, it isn't like this is the first time I've cried in public. Or heck, even the first time at the Metro.

As I type this I am cracking open a can of something I never ever thought I'd drink again (at least not without vodka) to stay awake - a fucking Red Bull. Christ. Just get me to Thanksgiving, where I have almost 6 days off to catch up on schoolwork. And sleep. And wine drinking.


  1. Holy eff. Red Bull? This is worse than I'd imagined.

    For the record: the people who love you, understand your life is complex & busy right now!

    I don't even like cats so this 70's classic isn't now & never was my poster, but if it was I'd send it to you instead of just this pic from somebody's flickr stream. Regardless, the sentiment is wholly, completely, fully sincere:

  2. I think you're just so ambitious that you get yourself down if you don't live up to your own expectations. It's not a bad thing, just am observation. You're one of the most capable people I know, so hang in there - and put down the Red Bull. That shit makes people's sweat smell really bad :)

  3. Don't be too hard on yourself, we can only do what we can do. That, my dear friend, has been my big lesson since having the twins. But as Justin said, step away from the Red Bull. That will F your sh*t up.x

  4. I know how you lose pants, but it isn't congruent with said celibacy...

  5. Breathe baby breathe. We are lacking perspective here. Next time, step back, breathe deep, and think "this is only a temporary time in my life. someday I will have balance again" and you will. And this really is ONLY a TEMPORARY state of being. It is not forever.

    This, too, shall pass.